


Dull Eyes (Professor Lupin, Professor Snape and Depressed Student Reader)

by Day_Dreamer_32



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Dumbledore is too invested in Harry’s love life, F/M, Grindeldore (But only if you squint), No Sex, Out of Character Severus Snape, only reference to cutting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-14
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2018-12-02 01:51:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11499267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Day_Dreamer_32/pseuds/Day_Dreamer_32
Summary: You are a student at Hogwarts but sadly life isn't all that great for you. On the first day of your fifth year you meet Professor Lupin, who immediately notices the glumest student in his class.





	1. Another Year

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone,  
> I haven't been so active lately but I'm back now so I decided to start another story.  
> ENJOY :)

The world seemed dull around you, as you sat alone in your train compartment. The train rides to Hogwarts were far from the worst thing in your life and you found it comforting to be able to be alone for a while. The other compartments were full of loud students that couldn't wait for the first Quidditch match.

You saw that Harry Potter and his friends had entered the compartment next to you. Not that you really cared, it was interesting to see what normal people did in their lives. You turned your head to watch the rain droplets slide down the window. Everything suddenly went colder than usual and you could swear you could hear some screaming. Outside you could make out the image of a ghostly figure dressed in black robes. It was graceful in the way that it moved, that enchanted you.

A bright light suddenly glowed from the compartment that Harry Potter was in, you knew that somebody had conjured a patronus. Many times you had tried to conjure one, all your classmates had already achieved one, but you just couldn't seem to find the right memory. Now you had given up hope and decided that you didn't have the ability to perform this spell. Still, a small flicker of jealousy burned in your stomach.

A tired looking man then walked down the corridor outside your compartment. He had long scars running down his face. You automatically put your hand on your left arm and then running it up the arm all the way to the neck. Some of these scars were your fault.....some weren't.

You tried to put that out if your mind and to focus on something else. You found yourself remembering what your older sister used to say to you, "I promise Y/N, there is good in this world somewhere." Mary would say this whenever things were bad, it was like she thought if you believed this it would be true. But you had to hand it to her, Mary sure did have a way of making everything positive.

A tiny smile crossed your ever so dull face but if vanished as soon as you thought about why Mary isn't here anymore. It was an accident, you were only 7 at the time but it was all your fault. Your parents were devastated, their perfect angel...dead...because of their little excuse-of-a-living-being. Tears were forming in your eyes, a regular occurrence to you, so you lifted your feet onto the seat and curled up into a ball. You sat there crying as the train continued on it's trip to Hogwarts.

~Time Skip-at Hogwarts~

You waited until everyone was off the train and then made your way out. Ahead of you, you could see a few other girls from your house. You didn't bother to catch up to them, all the other Slytherins thought you didn't deserve to be in their house anyway. Once you had finally made your way to the chariots, you went to got pat the Thestrals. You could see the because of the 'Mary incident'. You didn't even notice that someone had approached you from behind.

"You can see them?" Asked a kind voice.

You turned around in surprise. It wasn't everyday that someone went out of their way to speak to a 'stupid little brat' like you. You stared, not knowing what to say, to the man who had spoken to you. You realised that this was the same person who walked past your compartment.

"I...um.....yes?" You answered.

The man smiled at you, it wasn't one of the fake smiles that other students occasionally gave you. This smile was true, he ment it. You could see it in his eyes, they lit up when he smiled.

"Come on, we better get going to the castle," he instructed.

You both went into the same carriage and sat in silence for the whole ride. You found it comforting that he didn't ask you any questions even though you could see he was curious. When you got of the carriage he told you his name was Remus Lupin and he was the new DADA teacher.

"I'm Y/N Y/L/N," you said quietly.

He waved as he headed to the teachers and you entered the great hall. You saw that the others were already there. Nobody took any notice of you as you limped, quietly to your seat. It was good you got there when you did because the sorting was just about to begin. You watched and clapped when a student got Slytherin. Even though you didn't really care, you still wanted the child to feel happy and appreciated.

~Flashback~

Professor McGonagall had just called your name and you were about to stand up. You closed your eyes and tried your best to smile. You pictured Mary's lovely smile, she always smiled, she was always happy. The thought made tears dwell in your eyes.

McGonagall called your name again, impatiently. You stood up quickly and limped over to the stool. You didn't care what house you were put into, as long as they accepted you. Then I can start a new life, you thought. The hat was placed on your head and you wondered what house Mary would've gotten. She was only 10 when she died and didn't have the chance to got to Hogwarts.

Probably Hufflepuff, she was the happiest person you knew, she was able to be happy even when your parents were fighting. When anything was happening, Mary could be happy. You weren't even paying attention to what the Sorting Hat was muttering inside your head. You were too focused on Mary.

Just as the Sorting Hat yelled Slytherin you burst into tears because of your memories of Mary. Unfortunately, the other Slytherins thought it was because of getting into that house. They all thought you were ungrateful. You lowered you head and limped over to the Slytherin table.

~End of Flashback~

While you were remembering your sorting, Dumbledore was already doing his speech. You didn't pay attention and it surprised you when everyone started eating. You joined in and ate a little bit but kept the food to a minimum. You weren't hungry at the moment and you were sure no one would mind if you ate an apple in the dorm.

Finally it was time to retire to your common rooms, so you headed to the dungeons with a group of other Slytherins. You sat in your normal corner and listened to the conversations of the others. You could hear Draco Malfoy, the third year, talking with his gang. There was nothing better to do than listening to them so you hum a tune to yourself as you listen.

It is the tune Mary used to sing to help you fall asleep. Sometimes you would sing it together when times were hard. It helped you to forget about problems. Ever since Mary's death you haven't sung any songs, only hummed the tunes.

Soon enough everyone had gone to bed and you were the only one in the common room. You let out a huge sigh and stood up. You quietly entered your dorm, that you shared with two other girls, and slumped down on your bed. You closed you eyes for a minute, enjoying the pitch black colour.

After that you went to get changed, carefully removing your clothing so that it would get stains from your scars. Your parents would get so mad if they found out that they spent money on something, only to have it be ruined by a blood stain. Once you were changed, you folded your clothing and put it on the end of your bed.

You then curled up into a ball under your bed sheets and thought about everything that was going to happen this year. It could all get worse this year. People could be even meaner, the Hufflepuffs could start being mean to you (all the other houses already were), the teachers could try to make you tell them things, your parents could call the teachers and tell them. For all you knew, this could be the year everyone would find out about your deepest, darkest secret. You had only ever told Marie this, but your parents also knew. It was part of the reason they hated you so much.

Tears formed in your eyes once again. You tried to think of something else and you remembered how kind Professor Lupin was to you. That was the kindest thing anyone had done in a long time. You started to cry and the last thing you could remember in the morning was whispering: "Please don't let them find out.......don't make them hate me even more...."


	2. Potions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a few years of suspicion, one of your teachers asks you about your long sleeves. Not exactly what you expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone,  
> I have had some new ideas for this story so I have made a few changes to the plot but it is still relatively the same. Sorry for using the word 'always'. I hope you still like it!!  
> ENJOY! :)
> 
> Btw I will try to post more often.

When you wake in the morning, the sun isn't up yet but you know that you have to get ready before the others. It aptakes all your inner-strength to drag yourself out of bed. You enter the bathroom and stare at the 'ugly mess' that is you. There were red tear stains under you eyes. Sighing, you grabbed out your foundation, the only makeup you owned, and began to blend it to your pale complexion. By the end of this operation, it was impossible to tell you had been crying. You quickly got changed into your uniform, a long-sleeved shirt, a skirt and the Slytherin tie.

When you entered the common room, only a few other people were there so you sat down in one of the many seats. Luckily, the others didn't bother you. You sat, staring at the wall.....trying to shut everything out....and just be......calm. By the time the sun was up, most Slytherins were gathered in the common room. You weren't paying much attention to what they were doing, it wasn't like it really mattered. 

"Aguamenti," yelled the voice of Draco Malfoy.

Suddenly the world went cold, wet and cold. Before you could say anything some of the other Slytherins went up to Draco and congratulated him on 'putting a traitor in her place'. You curled up into a ball and put your head on your knees. You could go and change into another shirt but the only spair one you had was short-sleeved, you needed the other long-sleved ones for the next few days. It was also too hot to put a jumper on top of your short-sleeved shirt, so you decided to stay in the wet one.

*Time Skip: Breakfast*

You sat quietly at the edge of the table and listened as your housemates chatted about quiddich. You hated quiddich, it was silly the concept of the seeker defeated the whole purpose of the game. Then again, who were you to judge? Some other girls were gossiping about boys. Typical girls. Another group, a mixture of boys and girls, sat talking and laughing. You strained your ears to hear what they were talking about. 

Then you realised they were talking about you. It wasn't really a surprise, many people had gossiped and made rumours about you before. You tried to ignore them by busying yourself with your untouched food. You poked your fork into your egg, you would eat but you just didn't feel...hungry. Despite your lack of hunger, you forced yourself to take a few bites so no one would question you.

*Time Skip: First Class*

Your first class of the day was a Potions double with the Hufflepuffs. Some people hated Potions, but honestly it wasn't the worst out of all the obscure things they made you do at Hogwarts. You put on the smile that you had worked so hard to perfect you held your head high, no one would guess how depressed you were on the inside. You walked into the class with the other Slytherins and Hufflepuffs and took your usual seat, far left at the back. 

Professor Snape then walked, gracefully into the room and began writing on the blackboard. The others knew better than to talk so they silently wrote a note and then used magic to send it to you. You unfolded the piece of paper and read the message.

'Nice shirt Y/L/N.'

You knew they were referring to the fact that it was still dripping wet. This act did not go unnoticed by Professor Snape, who then deducted 10 points from Slytherin.

 

Today's task was to brew Felix Felicis. You were pretty good at Potions but you knew this would be a challenge. You opened your text book straight away and stated preparing your potion. You didn't follow the instructions very carefully, you preferred a more relaxed approach. Sometimes a little creativity paid off, sometimes it ruined the potion. 

When you were halfway through your potion, you noticed that the others around you were struggling. They were far behind you and probably wouldn't have time to finish. You hadn't noticed that you were still shivering from the wetness of your shirt and hair. 

Professor Snape was now walking around the room, inspecting everyone's progress. He stopped when he reached yours. You felt a stampede of butterflies in your stomach, you always felt nevous when people inspected you. It was as if you dreaded the criticism that you were bound to receive. Surprisingly, your professor looked pleased with your work and continued on with his inspections.

Soon enough you were up to the last step. You had a lump in your throat as you waved your wand over the potion and spoke the incantation "Felixempra". Your potion then turned a deep shade of purple. Professor Snape congratulated you and the other people that were able to conjure the potion.

Just as you were about to leave for break, Professor Snape called you back. You fake smile immediately washed off your face and you looked like a different person.

"What is is Professor?" You asked politely. 

You didn't like where this was going. Teachers tried to make you open up to them, make you believe that they were your friends. In reality, your only friends were long-sleeves.

"Y/N....show me your arm," he ordered.

"I'll show you mine, if you show me yours," you replied.

You knew that he was a death eater, one of the Dark Lord's previous followers. He was obviously shocked by this remark. He unconsciously touched his left arm.

"You..you..you're not one," he couldn't bring himself to say the words.

"No. I'm not a death eater,"

You could see that on the inside he was relived.

"Show me Y/N" (*idea sparks in my mind* Snape needs to have a bigger part in this!)

He slowly moved his hand over to yours and unbuttoned your cuff. Every part of you told you to pull your hand away but a small part of you wanted him to see, he was the only one smart enough to notice. He then rolled up your cuff and examined your wrist. You couldn't bring yourself to look at him in the eyes anymore. Why had you opened up to him? Why had you let him see?

"Y/N.......," he murmured.

His fingers gently ran along the many scars that you had given yourself. He could tell that they were deep and he knew how they had gotten there. He then pushed your sleeve up even more, revealing your whole lower arm. It was full of even more scars, these ones were even more recent.

You looked up at him like a guilty child who knew they had done something wrong. He shook his head slightly and pulled your sleeve back down. Once again, tears welled in your eyes. You had never let anyone, not even Marie, see all this. His eyes looked over to your other arm and you nodded, knowing he was asking if there were more scars. His dark brown eyes met yours again and you tried to look away but there was something in you that kept you looking,

"I'm .... sorry," you apologised as tears trickled out of your eyes.

"Sshhh it's ok," the sound of his low voice relaxed you.

He then pulled up his own sleeve and you looked at him inquisitively. You hadn't expected him to actually show you.

"We made a deal," he said, answering your silent question.

On his pale arm there was a dark black mark that could almost be mistaken for a tattoo. You knew this was his dark mark. He then pulled down his sleeve again and you looked back up at him.

"Don't tell anyone?" your command sounded more like a question.

"I won't and you won't tell a soul about mine," 

You nodded, grateful that he understood or he seemed to understand.

"You can talk to me if you want," he offered.

You forced the smile that you always wore and nodded. 

"I'm serious Y/N, come talk to me in my office after school, I want to ask you some questions,"

"Ok..," you didn't really want to go and talk to him but it might be good to get some weight off your chest...after years of living this life, maybe things could change.

"If anyone asks, you have detention," his teacher voice was back again and the kind man who you had just opened up to had disappeared.

You nodded again but you doubted that anyone would ask. He signaled to the door as a way of excusing you. You stood up and headed to the the door.

"And Y/N. No more sharp things," the kindness had returned to his voice.

"Fine...," you reluctantly gave in before heading out the door.

You had missed break and now it was time for your next class so you hurried off to Transfiguration.


	3. Boggarts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a very emotional talk with Professor Snape, you continue your day at Hogwarts and in DADA boggarts are the topic. You are very protective of your boggart because you don't want people to be able to use it against you. Will you open up to Professor Lupin?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all,  
> I am super glad that people have enjoyed my story so far and that motivates me to write more!! I hope you like this chapter! Please comment suggestions if you have any :) Sorry his has no Snape, I thought some bonding with Lupin was needed ;)
> 
> ENJOY :)

You blinked your eyes as you walked to Transfiguration class. You still weren't quite sure if you were dreaming or not. A lot had happened in the past hour; you had showed Professor Snape your scars and he showed you his dark mark. Most of you was expecting to wake up alone in your room Andy second now but a small part of you said that this was real.

You let out the tiniest groan as you entered Transfiguration. It wasn't the subject you hated but the teacher. Professor McGonagall was everything that all Gryffindors were, except this Gryffindor could give you detention. It was like she took pride in calling you out on everything and then taking points away when you got the answer wrong. Some would say she just expected more of you because she knows you are smart but you have a tendency to take these things personally.

When she opened the door to the classroom, you automatically went over to your normal seat. Today it seemed McGonagall was having none of that.

"Miss (Y/L/N) I would appreciate it if you sat here," she called in an impatient voice.

You wanted to groan but you knew better than to do that. So you flash her one of your best fake smiles and agreed. This was going to be a long lesson...a very long lesson for this was a double.

~Time Skip: Lunch Break~

You had done it! You survived two whole hours of your least favourite teacher. You quickly walked out of the room and went down to the great oak tree. It was your favourite place in the school, peaceful and relaxing.

You slowly nibbled at your apple as you watched the other children run and play. Even the older ones were all having a good time chatting. A small spark of of jealousy egnited inside of your stomach. Why couldn't you just be happy like them? Why did everything go wrong for you? What did you do to deserve this?

Immediately images of Maryflashed in your mind. She had been so young and innocent and you had to ruin it. You could never forgive yourself for what had happened that night. You wiped away the tears that were now rolling down your cheeks and your fake smilie returned to its usual place on your face.

After finishing your apple, you decided to head to the library. You remembered that a long time ago reading was your favourite things to do, other than playing and composing music. On the way to the library you bumped into a familiar face. 

"Professor Lupin, how are you?" You asked the tall man that stood before you.

"Quite well, you?" 

"Ok..." your smile faltered.

"If anything is wrong make sure to let me know," many teachers had said this to you before but, like Snape, Professor Lupin sounded truthful in his words.

"No need," the fake smile, that was so familiar to your face, returned.

"Ok, see you next period (Y/N)," he seemed to fall for your mask. 

You were a bit sad to had lied to Professor Lupin, he had done nothing but be nice to you but you can't teach an old dog new tricks.

"Bye Professor!" You called after him as he walked away.

You scratched your chin, trying to remember what you were doing before your talk with Professor Lupin. Unfortunately, your thoughts were cut short by the piercing sound of the bell. That meant that it was time for Defence Against te Dark Arts, or more commonly know as DADA by Hogwarts students.

You headed down the hall that leaded to Professor Lupin's classroom. Professor Lupin was already in there, writing on the board. Before long, the other Slytherins and the Ravenclaws were gathered around the door, waiting to enter the classroom.

"I heard that she had a chat with Snape," you sharp ears heard one of the Ravenclaws whispering about you.

It wasn't that you were suprised, you were one of, if not the most, hated people in the school. But you couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness in your chest. You thought that this year things might get better. 

"It's true," a tall boy from Slytherin said.

Gasps erupted around the corridor, all you wanted to do was disappear. Luckily, you were saved by Professor Lupin, who opened the door to let the whole class in.

To your horror, you saw someone else sitting in your seat so you had to take one in the middle row. Professor Lupin then started his introduction speech. DADA seemed to already be better than last year, with Gilderoy Lockhart. He explained that he was going to do a few easy sessions to asses what level you all are at. You were fine with this, slow and steady suited you fine.

He told the class that today you were going to be working on an easy spell, 'Riddikulus'. You knew that this was the spell used to defeat a boggart. You had never liked classes about boggarts, what was the point in revealing your fears to you potential enemies?

You all lined up in a line and took turns to defeat a boggart. You stood at the very end, hoping that it wouldn't reach your turn. Your boggart was a bit embarrassing since most people wouldn't fully understand it. Luckily, class ended before your turn and everyone else rushed out of the room. 

"Thanks for the lesson Professor Lupin," you thank him.

"That's ok (Y/N). If you want I can stay back for a few minutes so you can have a turn at a boggart," he offered.

You seriously considered staying but your boggart revealed what you were and you weren't quite ready for anyone to find that out.

"No thanks Professor," 

"Are you sure (Y/N)? I could give you a few pointers," he smiled at you.

You really didn't want to disappoint him so you reluctantly agreed. He walked over to the box and knelt down beside it. You took a deep breath in, mentally preparing yourself for another one of your teachers to learn another one of your secrets. You gave him the all clear sign with a small nod.

He then unlocked the box and out came the round, white, glittering image of the full moon. 

"Riddikulus!" You shouted and the orb-like object exploded into confetti. It didn't make you laugh but at least you weren't afraid anymore.

You turn over to Professor Lupin who looked like he had seen a ghost. Only your parents and Marie knew that you were a werewolf. That's why your parents hated you, it didn't help that on one bright night you had....you had....killed Mary. The tears stung in your eyes at the memories of Mary.

"You...you..you're a ..werewolf," he looked stunned at the realisation.

You thought that he might understand but it seemed even caring Professor Lupin couldn't understand you. 

"I should be going," tears rolled down your eyes as you left the room.

You were to far away to hear Professor Lupin call out to you.

"(Y/N) wait! I didn't mean it like that!" 

You walked briskly down the hall and towards the dungeon. Professor Snape would be waiting.


	4. The Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Professor Snape asked, you head down to the dungeons for a talk with the Potions Master.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone,  
> I'm super excited to bring you this chapter because I know/hope that a lot of you have been awaiting the next part to the story. I have also changed the name of the reader's sister to Mary. So without further ado, I bring you the next chapter!
> 
> ENJOY :)

As you walked down the grey stone walls of the dungeon halls, you gripped your wrists as if you were afraid to find that your sleeves were gone. The idea of Professor Lupin knowing that you were a werewolf was still dawning on you, at least he didn't know about your depression. If you weren't stuck under a stormy grey rain-cloud, you might found the fact that two if your teachers knew your two biggest secrets.

Before you had time to think about what to say, you found yourself outside the door to Professor Snape's office. You gulped nervously knowing that he would be asking more questions. A tiny part of you told you that this was the right thing to do. It wasn't often that you listened to this little voice in your head, normally you obey the loud voice of depression, but listening to this voice normally ends well. You raised your hand slightly and knocked on the door. There was no turning back now.

"Come in," called the voice of a grumpy Professor Snape.

You stepped into the room.

"I could come back later if you want," you quietly suggested.

The professor's face softened when he saw who it was, he even smiled.

"It is ok Y/N, come sit down," he motioned to a seat opposite his.

As you walked up to his desk, you took note of how neatly things were arranged. It was definitely different from your messy dorm. You sat down on the seat and looked up into the dark brown eyes of your professor. 

"I wanted to ask you a few questions Y/N. I want you to answer them truthfully," he told you.

You nod and mentally prepare yourself, coming up with answers to potential questions.

"Is your family life good?"

This was a difficult question because you didn't like to bring this topic up but you still tried your best to tell the truth.

"I...um...my family.....let me start from the start," you stutter.

And so you end up telling your life story, leaving out the part about you being a werewolf. It was still all true just omitting some of the facts.

"My family always preferred my sister, Mary, she was practically perfect in ever single way. She was pretty, happy and always smiled. Marie could make me feel better even when I was sad," you could feel tears running down your cheeks," When I was 7 Marie and I were ....in an accident and she..she ..she died. My parents thought it was my fault, which it probably was, and got even more sour towards me."

Professor Snape's eyes widened and his hand reached over to your shoulder.

"I'm sorry Y/N, I had no idea you had gone through all this," he sympathised.

"It's ok, like you said, you didn't know...no body knows." 

"Well I know that you are bullied by most students at Hogwarts but do you have any friends?" He asked.

"Ahh..umm...well," you didn't want to seem completely helpless but you told the truth anyway, "...no...."

"Y/N why didn't you tell anyone you were going through all this? You know that every teacher would be more than happy to help you."

"That's just it, I don't want to be weak. I can do it on my own. Besides the teachers wouldn't understand or want to help especially not McGonagall, she hates me," you looked down at your hands.

"That's not true Y/N, I would've listened," he said sounding a bit hurt.

"I'm sorry for not telling anyone," you apologised, hoping to make him feel better.

"Last question now Y/N. How long have you been cutting?"

You seriously considered lying to this question. Not meeting his eyes you looked up. 

"Umm....hmmmm....ever since I started at Hogwarts.....I think?"

"Y/N really?" He didn't sound annoyed in his normal way, more in a caring way.

You nod still not meeting his eyes.

"Look at me Y/N."

You meet his dark brown eyes once again.

"Roll up your sleeves," he commanded.

Your hands shaking you slowly roll up your sleeves. It was no surprise to see many deep scars running along your arm. 

"The other one as well."

You had purposely only rolled up that sleeve because your left arm was worse. You looked up at him, as if to ask 'do I have to?' Just like last time, he reached his hand to your cuffed sleeve and started to roll it up. Before he had even rolled it up to half way up your wrist, many scars were revealed. He paused for a moment to asses the situation but then continued to roll up your sleeve to your elbow.

"Y/N, I know it might be hard at first but you have to stop cutting," he said.

You could hold back your tears no longer so you let them race down your cheeks, once again. 

"Professor....," you wept.

He stood up and walked around to your side of the desk.

"It's ok Y/N," he hushed you,"It's ok."

He gave you a hug around your shoulders as you cried. You both stayed still for a matter of minutes.

"Y/N, I won't ask you to show me but are there cuts on your thighs?" 

"...yes..."

"Promise me you'll at least try to stop Y/N."

"Ok..I'll try...that doesn't mean I'll succeed."

"Great! You can go now, remember to come back if you need anything." 

"Ok bye Professor," you waved at him and he waved back.

~Time Skip: In the dorms~

Although it was incredibly hard for you, you kept your promise and didn't cut. For the first time in many, many days you went to bed peacefully.


	5. Temptation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After being addicted to something for a long time, it's hard to stop doing it. The reader experiences her troubles trying to keep her promise to Professor Snape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!!!  
> I'm really sorry that I haven't updated in a few months, I have been really busy. I had a super important essay to write for school which took up most of my writing time. On top of that I also had our school musical, Mary Poppins, so every night I had to stay at school till 10:30pm. I also had exams in the last month so I have been trying to focus on that.
> 
> I will get back into routine now, posting once or twice a week, and hopefully you guys like the story.
> 
> ENJOY ;)

You woke early in the morning, just as usual, but something was different about today. Today, you didn't wake up with the sensation of feeling the crusty blood of your sleeves. On a normal day you would've reached straight for you blade and added a few extra scars to your collection but you had made a promise to try to turn over a new leaf. Your dormmates weren't up yet so you slipped into your uniform and headed to the common room.

It was empty, as usual again, and on a normal day you would go sit in a corner and put pressure on your wrists. It hurt to think of all the things that you weren't doing. Cutting was like a drug, an addicting drug, once you start, your body craves more. You desperately tried to put it off your mind, to think of other things.

You didn't have DADA today and you considered that a good thing. The last thing you wanted was to be near Professor Lupin again, he knew your deepest secret; you are a werewolf. You had actually considered him to be a person who would understand your problem, the way his eyes were soft and sympathetic and how he smiled so warmly. Like people he was also speechless at the fact that you were a werewolf and ... well he hadn't actually said that he didn't like you but you could see the fear in his eyes. What did you do to deserve this?

~Time Skip: Breakfast~

Like all other days, you walked into the grand hall, sat down and had a little nibble ogpf your toast. All around you, the other kids were eating like pigs but it made you feel sick in the stomach. You hadn’t eaten a proper meal in so long now that the thought of it made you want to vomit.

You had a free period first so you went to your common room to study. You tried desperately to keep your mind off cutting but the voice in the back of your head was very persistent. ‘The bathroom is right there, your blade is in there.... blades were made to be used!’ It yelled.

You could hardly resist and you decided to give in to the voice in your head. You locked yourself in the bathroom and experienced the sensation that you had grown so familiar with. (I don’t want to describe the cutting in detail in case it disturbs some people ;) )

Your eyes were red and your wrists were sore and you didn’t want to attract attention so you left the common room and started to head towards the library.

On your way, you came across a lost first year. She was sitting on the ground crying with her books spilled all over the floor. Her Ravenclaw scarf was drained in tears and she had bruises on ther arms. 

&Hey, are you ok?” You ask her while handing her back one of her books.

“I’m good... just a little lost,” she sniffed.

You helped her gather her books back up and tidying up her uniform. You didn’t notice that when your were helping the girl the sleeves of your almost too small jumper had rolled up and your fresh scars were now visible.

“What are those red things on your arms?” The girl asked innocently. 

You widened your eyes in surprise and quickly rolled your sleeves back down. The look in the girl’s eyes told you that she had no idea what your cuts were. You were not about to reveal this poor girl to the harsh truths of life so instead, you tell a small lie.

“Well you see, these cuts.... are what happens to you if you are very sad for too long,” 

She seems to believe it and pulls you into a tight hug. 

“Please be happy again!” She pleads.

You put on your best fake smile and you can see the little girl’s eyes light up when you do. She tells you her next class is DADA so you show her where it is, even though you would rather avoid Professor Lupin right now. 

~ Time Skip: at DADA classroom ~ 

You take a deep breath and knock on the door. Professor Lupin answers with a cheerful voice saying ‘come in.’ You open the door and try not to make eye contact with Professor Lupin. 

“I think you might be missing a student,” you tell him.

“Why yes. Ariana your classmates told me that you were in the bathroom, is that true?” He asks. 

All eyes fall on the tiny blue eyed Ravenclaw. 

“No! Eve and Lilly pushed me over on the staircase and then the stairs changed and then I was lost!” 

Everyone looked at a pair of guilty looking Ravenclaws. One stood up and faced Professor Lupin. 

“Ariana doesn’t belong in Ravenclaw! She’s destroying our perfect reputation at being the smartest house ” 

The other girl then stood up.

“Yeah, Ariana isn’t smart at all! I don’t know why she even got into Ravenclaw!” 

Professor Lupin looked at the girls in astonishment. 

“Girls, it’s not ok it ridicule someone for being different! I’m sure Ariana has an excellent reason to be in Ravenclaw! It’s not just all about being smart you know! Both of you report to my office after school for all of this week for detention!” The normally kind teacher was clearly angry. 

“Ariana go sit down and please stay in after class,” his face softened.

The little girl quickly walked over to the only empty desk which was next to a couple of Hufflepuffs. They smiled at her and they tried to make her feel happy. Seeing this gives you a warm fuzzy feeling in your heart and it makes you wish that you had people like this in your life. Well, other than Professor Snape but you still do not completely trust him. 

Professor Lupin then turns to you and you instantly look down. 

”(Y/N) .... thank you for bringing Ariana back.”

“It’s Ok,” you say, still not looking at him.

“It’s safe with me you know... your secret I mean.”

Your eyes widen and you look up at him. His brilliant grey-blue eyes locking with your (E/C) ones. For the first time you pay attention to the faded scars on his face, they look like they were made about a month ago. 

Wait. One month ago was the full moon. Your eyes dart to the calander that was up on the wall. There was a circle around today and upyou notice there is a circle around the full moon. How could you have forgotten?

You look back at Professor Lupin and then to the ground.

“Don’t talk to me about that...please.” You whisper.

You then turn on your heels and head out the door.


	6. Full Moon Drama

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader faces difficulty during the full moon and it leads to drama.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo,  
> I have been working on this chapter for a while (mostly trying to make sure everything is correct) I hope you guys like it!! 
> 
> Enjoy :)

~Time Skip: after classes~  
You were honestly astonished that you had forgotten about the full moon! This had never happened in your whole life! Not once had you forgotten, maybe being without your blade was causing you to go insane. You started to head to the room of requirement but the voice of Professor Lupin stopped you in your tracks.

“(Y/N), you don’t have to run.... I understand your problem!” He called.

Although you didn’t want to seem like a brat, you couldn’t help yourself. No one, not even Lupin, could understand.

“No you don’t!” You yelled.

You tried to run away down the hall but a hand caught your arm with a firm grip. You realised that it was your Professor, Professor Lupin. You could feel his soft gaze on yours but it was your pride that kept you from looking up into his gray-blue eyes. He loosened his grip on your arm, as if it was a signal for you to relax. For a brief moment you look up into his gentle eyes, once again you notice the scars on his face. They reminded you of the claw marks that you had all over you body. Sometimes it was was hard to distinguish the cuts you had done on purpose fro the ones that you gained while in wolf form but you could tell his were done by a wolf. Your eye widen as you realise that these scars were the same as yours, he was a werewolf too. Your facial features softened as you gave him an apologetic look.

“You do understand,” your voice was barely audible but you knew that he heard because he nodded in reply.

Just when you thought everything was fine a new thought struck your mind like lightning. What if he was planning to hurt you while in wolf form? It was a rather far fetched thought considering what a gentle person Professor Lupin was but you knew that in wolf form you couldn’t control most things. That was what happened with Mary. The thought of your darling sister once again brought sadness to your mind.

Suddenly you pulled away from Professor Lupin, deciding that it was best not to trust other werewolves, and sprinted, as fast as your legs would take you, away from Lupin.

~Time Skip: after dinner~

You had just made your way out of the great hall and started to head to the seventh floor to find the room of requirement. You mentally prepared yourself for the night ahead of you. While you were walking you considered the chance of seeing Professor Lupin there. You were not awere of any other place in Hogwarts for werewolves to complete there transformation. Maybe if you had told Dumbledore about your condition he would’ve given you a special place for the full moons. But confessing your problems wasn’t really your style. You didn’t know what would happen if two people were in the room of requirement at the same time and you didn’t want to find out. Professor Lupin’s wolf form was probably much bigger and stronger than yours and you didn’t really feel like being torn to shreds today. So today, instead of going to the room of requirement, you decided that you would lock yourself in one of the dungeons and complete your transformation in there.

It didn’t take you long to get to the dungeons, you knew your way around there because it was around the Slytherin dorms. You find the furthest dungeon from the dorms and climbed through the window. It was lucky you could fit through the window, otherwise it would’ve been much harder to get in. 

All you could do now was wait for the moon to come up and your transformation. In the room of requirement you would normally have books to read but in the dungeon all you could do was sit around and wait.

After an hour or so of waiting, a fimilar pain struck your body. You tried your best to mute the yelps of pain that you were hollering. It would be quite disastrous if someone found you down here. You knew after you were fully transformed you would no longer be able to think like a human and you would resort to hurting yourself as there was nothing else to scratch. 

After the few short minutes of your transformation, that felt like hours, it all stopped. Everything. You no longer thought about anything and started to claw at your body.

~Time Skip: Morning~

When you woke, you felt sore all over and found yourself lying in a pool of blood. Luckily you had stopped bleeding and you were only left with bright red scabs. Your clothing was torn and your hair was a birds nest. You could feel the tear stains on your face and you knew your eyes were bloodshot. 

You scampered out of the dungeon window and found yourself limping around the corridor. You didn’t want to go back into your dorm incase you woke someone or your commonroom because someone might be up early. You didn’t think it would be late enough for anyone else to be awake so you decided to take a wonder around the school.

You slowly limped around outside the library and decided to sit on the bench. Your whole body felt raw and it felt good to relax as you sat. You looked down at your baggy jumper and trackies, they were stained red by your blood and were torn apart by your claws. If anyone saw you they would’ve thought you got into a fight with a hippogriff. But no one would be up at this time of day you told yourself.

Unfortunately, your assumption was wrong and you jumped with fright when you heard footsteps. They turned the corner and could now see you. You saw the silhouette of Professor Snape approaching you.

“(Y/N), what is this?” He asked sternly, obviously unimpressed.

“Umm,” it was hard to explain to him that she was a werewolf even though he already knew so much.

“If I remember correctly we said that you would stop using that blade of yours.” 

Your eyes widened in shock as you realised that in his eyes you had done this with your blade. You looked up into his deep brown eyes, they were not soft at the moment. He looked very angry and if you didn’t know better you would say he looked betrayed.

“We agreed (Y/N),” He was almost shouting now.

Tears filled your eyes again, you didn’t like to see him angry at you, especially for something you didn’t do. You could no longer look at him so you turned your attention to your hands and watched them fiddle with each other. 

“Professor, I didn’t..” you whispered.

When he didn’t reply you looked up, just in time to see him snort and turn on his heels. You couldn’t help but let the tears run down your cheeks once again. You got off the bench and sat next to it and then curled up into a ball. You sobbed and them sobbed some more. It wasn’t your fault but he didn’t know that and you couldn’t see any solution except telling him about your condition but he knew too much about you already.

You then felt a comforting hand on your shoulder. You looked up and saw Professor Lupin, who was in the same state as you, gently caressing your shoulder.

“It’s okay (Y/N),” his soft voice was nothing more than a whisper but it helped.

“Thank you Professor,” you murmured and for the first time in a while you smiled.

You could tell he was pleased by this when he smiled too.

“You should probably go clean yourself up,” he said, winking at you as he helped you up.

“Ok, thanks again Professor Lupin,” you say as you regain your balance.

“Remus,” He replyed.

“Remus?” You swear you heard him chuckle at your confusion.

“It’s my name silly,” he winked at you again, still smiling.

“Ok, Remus. Thank you.” Once again you smiled at him and then quickly limped back to your dorm.


	7. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The title say it all XP

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guyzzzzz, hope y’all had a safe Xmas (If u celebrate it) and a happy New Year! I am back and I promise I will try to be a better author (key word in that sentence being try) I had a bit of writers block but I have some ideas now and I think I know how it’s gonna end now. This is kinda sad because this is my first work on here and I have grown to love the reader’s character but also kinda happy that I’ll be done :)
> 
> ENJOY:)

It felt really weird walking around the halls of Hogwarts that morning because you were trying to avoid a different teacher, a teacher that was once close to you. Before it had been Professor Lupin who you were trying to run from but now it was your trusted Professor Snape. For once you could actually enjoy walking into DADA ....or so you thought.

As soon as you walked in you could sense that there was a different vibe in the room to what was there in every other DADA lesson. You were utterly horrified when you realised that it was Professor Snape at the front instead of Professor Lupin. You gulped as you sat down, trying to use you (h/c) hair to hide your face. Once the whole class was inside Professor Snape began his lecture and no matter how much you tried to let it go in one ear and out the other, the topic made you listen. 

“Werewolves. Why’d it have to be werewolves?” You muttered under your breath.

Professor Snape raised an eyebrow and shot you an unimpressed look.

“Do you have something to say Miss (l/n),” the way he spat out your name made you feel sick.

You were considering ignoring him or giving a quiet answer but suddenly a spark was lit inside of you and you couldn’t keep it in.

“Yes I do have something to say! Why are you here teaching us about werewolves?? And why does Professor Lupin get to slack just because of the stupid Full Moon! No one else gets to!” This was one of those ideas that worked better when you played them out in your head.

Your hands immediately covered your mouth as every pair of eyes in the class room turned to death stare you.

“I’m sorry,” You whimpered.

“Get out Miss (l/n)!” Again he said your name like it was toxic.

“I didn’t mean too,” tears started to fill you eyes.

You turned away and put your mask back on, not wanting him to see you this weak.

“I don’t want to hear it (y/n)!”

“It was a mistake!” Your voice broke as you were saying the last word.

“I don’t care,” the way he said it, very slowly and pronouncing every letter, made the awful feeling in your stomach return.

You knew that you couldn’t win this argument so you gave in and left the room. Once you were out of the class room you could’ve sworn time moved even slower as you waited for class to be over so you could be given your punishment. At least it was better than actually being in there and learning about werewolves.

Soon enough the class was over and Professor Snape called you to come inside. As soon as you were there he told you that you would have detention for a week with him. You thought a week wasn’t that much but in your position it was better not to argue. He started lecturing you about trust, loyalty and about how everyone has diffferent circumstances. 

“I know that! I am a werewolf!” You yelled, a little too loudly. 

Suddenly all the anger was washed out of Professor Snape’s Eyes and all that remained is sorrow. 

“I thought you made those scars yourself.... but they were from last night.” It seemed that he was finally starting to piece things together.

“Wait... does Dumbledore know because he should’ve gotten me to make you some wolfsbane,” he asked. 

“No Dumbledore does not know and he will not know. This secret stays between us understand.”

He noddded absently in response.

“You can go now (y/n) .. don’t bother with the detentions.” It seemed rather odd how he suddenly seemed so vague but you weren’t going to stick around to find out why.

~Time Skip: After Classes~

After all your classes were over you went to the library to do some reading. While you were browsing though the isles of books a few students caught your eye. The were sitting in the isle next to yours so you could see them over the books you were looking at. It was a group of Thrid Grade Gryfendors, not just any group but Harry Potter and his friends Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. They were huddled up together whispering about something. You habit to eavesdrop on other people’s conversations was one of your worst but that didn’t stop you. 

You heard them talking about Sirius Black, that name sent chills down your spine, and the dementors that now ‘gaurded’ Hogwarts. You had your own theories about Black and the dementors but it was interesting to hear what they thought. You realised you had better get going before anyone thought that you looked suspicious so you quickly left the library.

What you didn’t know was that one of your heart shaped earrings had fallen out and hit Ron on the head.


	8. Knowledge is Power

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader finally finds herself meeting with Professor Albus Dumbledore and he appears to know everything that involves Harry Potter.
> 
> (This chapter has a bit of comdey because I wanted to lighten the mood a bit)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!  
> GUESS WHO FINALLY DECIDED TO GET BACK TO WRITING AND UPTDATE?? I sorry about the long break... I know how it feels .... but my life because super busy with school and drama. I went through a phase where I was super unmotivated to do anything (including write) but I’m happy to say that I’m a lot better now. I hope that this chapter makes up for the massive break. I promise to update more frequently from now on.
> 
> As always,
> 
> ENJOY :)

~Hermione’s POV~  
I was torn away from the pages of the book I had been indulging in as Ron let out a small yelp of pain. Harry moved over to comfort our friend while I examined the isle, searching for the culprit of Ron’s misfortune. My ears are drawn to a small peice of silver lying on the ground. When I looked more carefully, I realised that it was an earring, a heart shaped earring. In my mind, I immediately tried to think of everyone who generally wore heart earrings so I could figure out if anyone was spying on us. Unfortunately no specific person cam to mind.

“Earth to Hermione,” Harry’s voice brought me back to reality.

I looked over to see my friends packing up their things and getting ready to leave the library.

“We are going to hit the hay early tonight,” Ron explained when he noticed my questioning gaze.

They offered for me to come with them but I was still trying to piece together the earring scenario, so I denied. Once the boys had left, I looked around the narrow isle for any sign of another person but whoever lost the earring seemed to be long gone. 

I sighed and decided that the search was probably pointless and it was merely a coincidence. I quickly glanced over the shelves infront of, hoping to find a book that caught my eye. It seemed that fate was on my side today. Whoever dropped the earring and led me to the boooks with the information that I desired. Werewolves. A smile found its way to my lips as I removed the book from its shelf.

It appeared that tonight would be a long night reading. 

~ Reader’s POV ~

The next morning while you were in the Great Hall nibbling at your breakfast, an announcement was sent over the loudspeaker for you to come to the Headmaster’s office. You had never spoken to Dumbledore before and you doubted that the experience would be overly pleasant. Your anxiety about the meeting was so overwhelming that you barely had time to notice that all eyes, at the table, were on you. Your brain had managed to fill itself with questions: ‘Who had blabbered your secret?’ ‘Which secret was it?’ ‘What was Dumbldore going to do?’ You inner voice tried to tell you that the fears were irrational and that Dumbledore had a completely different reason to cal, you to his office but you refused to listen.

You were only woken from your horrible thoughts when the boy sitting beside you gave you a friendly tap on the arm. 

“It’s probably best not to keep Professor Dumbledore waiting,” he kindly reminded you.

For a moment you could do nothing but stare into his eyes. They were not the kinda that was easy to describe, his irises looked like liquid amber, that made your own look like dull grey rocks. Luckily, you looked away just before he was able to catch you staring. 

“Thanks,” you mumbled, a part of you hoping he wouldn’t hear.

But it seemed this boy was the definition of perfect. He flashed you a warm smile that you couldn’t help but return. It seemed that genuine smiles were becoming more of a regular thing in your life. You suddenly regained your wits and broke eye contact with the boy and quickly made your way to the headmaster’s office.

~ Time Skip: Dumbledore’s office ~

You tried not to let your mind wander as you sat on the bench outside the doorway to Dumbledore’s office. Your heart beat so rapidly, it felt like you were going to explode. When the frame of an old man appeared in the doorway, your panic only grew.

“No need to be frightened (y/n), you have done nothing wrong. I only want to talk,” the voice of your headmaster was calm and sounded sincere.

You couldn’t understand why but there was something about the kind, smiling face of Albus Dumbledore that made you weary of him. Something off about his charm that made warning signals go off in your mind. It was the exact opposite feel of being around Professor Lupin and even Professor Snape. They both gave you the feeling that you could trust them but your gut was telling you that Dumbledore was not to be trusted.

You push your feelings aside, knowing that normally trusting your gut lead to bad things. Although you never thought you had a poor judge of character, you decide that you got Dumbledore all wrong and give the man the benefit of the doubt. You smile and stand up to properly introduce yourself to him and are met with his piercing, icy blue eyes. 

“Why did you ask for me to meet you here then Professor?” You ask with your best mask plastered to your face.

Your many years of practice had yet to let you down and you were pretty sure you could do a good job of fooling anyone, even Dumbledore.

“I may be old (y/n) but I am not oblivious yet. Don’t think that I don’t notice things. I assure you, I am very observant.” Dumbledore got a bit carried away defending himself. 

His words made your heart race but somehow you were still able to maintain a cool exterior.

“I don’t think I know what you mean sir.”

“Come on (y/n)! Yesterday in the library I saw you spying on Mr Potter and his friends. You can’t hide you little crush from me!” His eyes twinkled as he raved about his findings.

All your fears were washed away and you struggled to suppress a giggle. You were beginning to think that Albus Dumbledore was a fool and a bit creepy. Why would a teacher be that invested in a student’s love life?

“Professor, I believe that you may have misread what you saw yesterday,” you tried to calmly explain to the deluded headmaster.

“Nonsense! I know love when I see it (y/n)! Love is the most beautiful but also the most horrible thing in the world. You have no idea how lucky you are to still be blessed with the teenage illusion of love,” Dumbledore’s voice became softer as he continued.

A sad look clouded his eyes. Who was he thinking about? You came to the conclusion that it was most likely a childhood lover because you had never seen him with anyone at Hogwarts before. Despite the rumour about him and McGonagall, you believe that if anything, the attraction was one sided. Your headmaster was clearly deep in thought and for a minute you considered leaving. Before you had the chance to sneak away, Dumbledore was brought back to reality, his eyes no longer cloudy.

“I have absolutely zero interest in Harry Potter,” you clearly state.

“Anyway, he’s not my type,” you add in, just to be convincing.

Dumbledore sighed and rolled his eyes. He told you that you could leave and head to your classes but in the way out you cross paths with a certain DADA Professor.

“Professor Lupin. Hi,” you greet him with a wave.

“Ohh, hello (y/n).”

He looked very tired so you decided to give him some peace. You wonder if Dumbledore was aware of his ‘little problem’. If Lupin trusted Dumbledore, then he probably wasn’t what your gut told you.

~ Time Skip: After classes ~

This morning’s events had been almost completely forgotten as you wrote your charms essay in the Slytherin common room. It was calming to get lost in the words while you wrote. Sadly, the flow of your ideas were stopped as two people approached you.

Well actually, maybe this was not such a sad thing. 

Informs of you stood two figures, one was the boy who helped you at breakfast and the other was a girl with lush black hair. 

“Hi, I’m Kareema and this is Callum,” the girl explained.

She had a petite frame, with high cheek bones and a pointed nose. Her green eyes sparkled vibrantly like freshly polished gems. You had noticed her before; a bubbly muggleborn who had a nack for transfiguration. 

“I didn’t get the chance to introduce myself before,” Callum sat down beside you and smiled.

“Well my name is (y/n) and it’s a pleasure to meet both of you,” again you gave a genuine smile to the pair.

You had never had any close friends before or any friends for that matter, maybe now was the time to start.


End file.
